Andrew (pwndrew) wrote,
Andrew
pwndrew

Roughin' it

Last night I arrived home shortly after midnight (also remember it was Friday the 13th and a full moon) to find that I was locked out of my house, and everyone had gone to sleep. Not wanting to face the wrath I have incurred in the past for waking people up, I decided I'd have an adventure. Here's a mental journal I kept:

12:28 - The moon and surrounding constellations look dazzling in the winter sky. Will such an ominous astrological situation have negative repercussions on the rest of Andrew's night?

12:35 - It seems as though all entrances to The House are locked, and no one is awake to let me in. I call Jessica's cell phone, only to find it's been turned off. I subsequently text message people informing them of my situation.

1:09 - I realise that there is no way I'm going to get inside my house. At this point the only question is whether or not I should try and sleep, or stay awake so I am conscious in case the weather suddenly takes a turn for the worst. Thinking this would be an excellent opportunity to call in sick for work and go out on a Friday, I go to the back and get a lawnchair.

1:45 - It sure is cold. If only--WAIT! I realise I have a pack of matches and two lighters. I begin gathering cobblestones from the front of my house to make a small fire pit. I also gather twigs from the back and any other flammable material. I start a series of unsuccessful fires until I finally find some dry enough material to find an adequate one. Throughout the night I will go on excursions around the neighbourhood looking for firewood.

2:00 - The streetlights and houselights turn off within a minute of each other. In an instant my fear of skunks quadruples.

2:15 - The effects of the alcohol have essentially worn off. My panic level rises only slightly. I sort of want a cigarette. Also, this shady vehicle has pulled up to the same house for the third time since I've been here.

2:45 - I nearly fall asleep, only to realise that if I freeze to death I want to be awake. I want a cigarette.

3:30 - Fuck, I'm so goddamn bored out here. The cold is tolerable, but there's really just nothing to do. I walk down to Charolais and hope that I can flag down a police officer. I return home minutes later only to realise I've returned only minutes later.

3:56 - I wonder if the gas station at McLaughlin and Steeles is open, and, if so, do they sell coffee?

4:05 - They do not sell coffee, but they do have orange juice. I also purchase an Old Port, as I do not have enough cash for a full pack.

4:06 - I open the Old Port package and the cigarette falls out of the plastic filter. I turn around to get an exchange.

4:07 - I am told I have to go find the fallen plastic filter in order to exchange it. The gas station attendant seems suspicious of my motives.

4:08 - The exchange is complete, my craving is sated.

4:50 - An aeroplane in the distance makes a very rapid descent towards Pearson. Thirty seconds pass where I genuinely think it's a UFO.

5:15 - I am bored and have run out of fire wood. It's OK though because mum should be waking up within an hour.

5:45 - My cell phone is running out of battery power. Not that it matters, but now I can't play games to pass the time, even though I only have three and they all suck.

6:08 - My cell phone dies.

6:20 - I can a light turn on upstairs, it will only be moments until I am let into the house.

6:33 - Mom! Can you hear my gentle knocking! It is your son, back from the war!

6:34 - Hugs and all the rest. I clean up my campsite and go inside. I turn on the TV before realising I haven't slept.

6:39 - I crawl into my warm bed and sleep, knowing the next day I'll be exhausted and quite sick. I am happy in this knowledge, for it means I won't have to lie when I call in sick to work.

This is my life.
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